Back to the Stars
Her waves are my only comfort
The crows flutter by offering
Their condolences on a broken heart
Mama Earth cries with me
An old soul
An entire lifetime of memories
Regifted to the Universe
Still, I cry for my own loss
Strong, as his mama raised him to be
Unshakable as the Red Maple I climbed in his front yard
Wise from years of teaching his children, his grandchildren
Caring, but firm. A father lion.
A tree cracks and crashes behind me
As we all do
Eventually. As he did.
Holding on as long as possible before the inevitable plummet
All I feel is emptiness
Before the arms of the Earth
Pull me close, comforting
Hoping to heal my aching heart
I let her ease my pain
As my tears mingle with the rain
SHE
Teasing, taunting, twisted
Seething insecurity pushed forth, projected at its next target
Awkward silence punctured by awful jokes
Selfish, insensitive, always an excuse at the ready
I stand my ground, only to analyze each remark later
Over and over, like a carousel of poor decisions
Anxious thoughts blossoming into a rose of rage
Its thorns pricking the fingers of those only trying to help
Always harming the ones who get too close
A smile pasted on only to melt away again
Optimism always overshadowed by uncertainty
Serenity feels sinister, how long will it last?
Why won’t time slow down
To let me catch up, if only for a moment
To let me make amends, if only temporarily
Social Skills
Every time the buildup is the same
I see them coming
I know their names
I’ve talked to them time and time again
Twenty steps, now ten
My heart is racing
My breathing is shallow
Waiting
Eyes up, eyes down
Don’t trip over your own feet, now
Palms clammy, don’t drop your keys
My steps get smaller, shakier
Are you sure it’s them?
What if they don’t recognize you?
Are you sure they’re even your friends?
What do I say?
Five steps, now two
I’m getting closer now
Approaching the moment of truth
Trying to act casual before I meet their eyes
“Hey!”
And it’s over, I’m okay
Or am I?
Should I have stopped to make small talk?
Should I have said something else?
I wonder if they were happy to see me
I wonder if I was enthusiastic enough
I’ll think about it for the rest of the day
Until, inevitably, it happens again
The Breakfast Club
A group of teenagers galavants through the grass
Heads held high against the hierarchies of high-school
Bursting forth from detention like criminals escaping the shackles of prison
Not a care in this crazy world
I remember wanting to feel that freedom
The kind you can only feel after
Going without it for so long
A finite moment cherished as a lifelong memory
The tentative touch of bare toes on the brilliant green
A warm spring breeze twining and touseling through untamed hair
Cascading laughter lingering lively in the atmosphere
First enemies, now fast friends
I envied the ease at which each spoke to another
Friendship formed from their shared differences
Fists raised in triumph over previously forced friendships
A group of misfits who finally found their tribe
The Next Invasive Species
Dear Derek, thank you
For asking how I’ve been
It’s hard
During these times to hold onto hope
The disease keeps mutating
At first, a caterpillar creeping slowly into our lives
But now,
A clever butterfly, eluding each scientist’s grasp
They say soon
It may break our barriers
Fluttering between our masks and mouths
It’s fragile wings growing stronger
In order to battle our attempts at washing it away
I hadn’t felt the terror
That arose with the first wave
But it’s going nowhere anytime soon
Flitting from continent to continent
As if pollinating wildflowers
Infecting more of us
Each time it settles it’s infectious legs
I fear it will be a long time
Until we are free from
This cruel invader
empty my mind
it aches
the memory of time i can’t reclaim
i hear the echoes
of the past
they whisper in my ear
longing
calling
falling
i’m falling
don’t fall asleep now
it’s the only way I feel alive anymore
cold
dark
emptiness
my only comfort
in a swelling sea
of worries
i’m struggling
to persist
but the world keeps pulling me
down.
The moon reflects bright ice
Waves gallop across the shoreline, echoing like hoofbeats
In sync with my racing heart
Lit by a brilliant ball of white gold
Infinity stretching above, curling around our atmosphere
Glimmering pinpricks interrupting the deepest blue
Haunted eyes gaze lustfully
Toward the swirling range of possibilities above me
Daring me to step into the endless abyss
Running icy fingers through my mane of hair
If only this feeling would last forever
Fresh air pouring into aching lungs
Trivial matters pushed to the edge of my conscience
Ten
It’s not just feeling sad
I know I don’t have it that bad
The creeping emptiness when I was ten
I was startled by it back then
I could only think that it was my fault
Still, I can’t understand the assault
The sudden, crushing ache
That makes my smile turn fake
I don’t know many who would understand
Why my emotions wash away like the tide across the sand
I know I just have to wait it out
What are you so upset about?
I feel like I’m about to break
Even when there’s nothing at stake
It feels like my world has fallen apart
Made me put up walls around my heart
All I want to do is sleep
Nestled into my covers, sliding into the deep
Because in my dreams it’s all okay again
I just want the suffering to end
To go back to the days before I was ten
Tug of War
Today she is not the same
Her smile is a mask
Poorly painted over strained lips
And as the curtain of night falls
So does her facade
Blooming bruises across our arms
And we don’t understand
Why her eyes are void
Of the love that was once there
Replaced by flames of fury
And she doesn’t recognize me
Clawing, tearing, screaming
I don’t recognize her either
My best friend
Blind with rage
And we don’t know why
But later that night
As we sit waiting in the hospital
We wonder how
How did she acquire
PCP
Dream Poem
Faceless figures pass around me
Yet I’m comforted by their presence
A primal instinct lets me know
This one’s mom, that one’s Tommy
But at the same time
They’re not, they’re different, they’re morphed
Into completely new people
And as their faces swim into view
I don’t recognize them at all
Winter Wonderland
Snowflakes dance around sturdy legs
Like tears of a fallen angel
Who whispers secrets to me
Through the hush of fallen snow
Like tears of a fallen angel
They float lightly down and disappear
Through the hush of fallen snow
A gunshot carries across the wind
They float lightly down and disappear
Before hitting cherry-red ice
A gunshot carries across the wind
Brown fur glitters in the last dying embers of light
Before hitting cherry-red ice
Who whispers secrets to me?
Brown fur glitters in the last dying embers of light
Snowflakes no longer dance around sturdy legs
Allium
Her vibrant lips drink sunlight
Splashing across gilded fields
Of swaying wheatgrass
She stretches her thin torso
Growing stronger with each golden ray
Her petals tremble slightly
In the soft summer breeze
While the wheatgrass dip
Their silken-haired heads
She stands strong, sturdy
Deep green leaves tip their fingers
Toward the sunbaked soil
Where beneath the encrusted earth
Her roots are twining and twisting
Reaching deep to secret stores
Of life liquid that the wheatgrass
Cannot find
Blood Moon
As I watch
Cold, black curtains unfurl
Revealing a mottled ball of fire
It is a beacon
Blazing behind a scattered wall
Of clouds backlit
By brilliant blazing flares
Its light cascading down
To reflect upon the rippling current
And as it rose further
Into a vast, dark oasis
Speckled with burning stars
It bathed the beach in
Soft, surreal luminescence
Interrupted only by the slowly racing clouds
Carried lazily across our atmosphere
